ANTI SOCIAL ALCOHOLICS BLOWN UP BY FREAK LIGHTER ACCIDENT

A group of Anti Social Alcoholics, who have been a nuisance for a long time in the town, have been blown up by a freak lighter accident earlier today.

The group were thought to have been attempting to light a cigarette with an empty zippo lighter and barbecue fuel at the back of Dunelm Mill on Oxford Street this morning when the accident happened.
Witnesses told of a large explosion and a smell of burning hair.

Many local business have offered their condolences to anyone affected by the mess left by the explosion but were pleased with the news.

WOMAN TELLS OF MOMENT SHE FOUND TEDDY BEAR PERVERT IN WOODS

A Kidderminster lady has told of the moment she found a man performing a lewd act with a giant teddy bear.

Nora Shaft was walking through woods in Wolverley with her dog, Bouncer, when she saw a man amongst the trees.

"He was about thirty metres from me" said Nora. "He appeared to be doing push ups. I walked a bit nearer and he was naked on top of a giant teddy bear panting. He saw me and ran off. I was shocked. It was weird."

Nora alerted police who were at the scene within days to take vital forensic evidence. The teddy bear was dressed in lingerie from Aldi.

The man was described as 5ft exactly, wearing a security uniform and walked and ran with an over exaggerated swagger.